Creating Memories

Guest Post by Diana M. Raab

“Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in their own way.”                                                                                     from Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy

Whether writing about them, reviewing them or creating them, memoirists are obsessed with memories. I was recently reminded of this phenomenon during the events surrounding my middle daughter, Regine’s wedding to Daniel del Valle, her high school sweetheart.

Not only was it a magical wedding celebration resonating with happiness as the two families united during this spectacular family reunion, but what struck me at a deep level, was the importance of the family unit and how lucky I am to have the family I do. We have all had relatives who embarrass us or make us proud, but these types of family gatherings reiterate the similarities rather than the differences between family members. It was a reminder of the importance of celebrating the good times, because those are the memories we will carry with us into our old age. In addition, I was reminded of the importance of savoring memories by remaining in the moment.

I delighted in having a table of seniors which included my mother, in-laws and some aunts, all of them in their eighties. I realized how this year so many of my cousins have become orphaned and how no matter how old you are when a parents dies—becoming orphaned is a traumatic event. Seeing all the seniors at one table also reminded me of the wealth of memories they hold in their heads and hearts.

The pain of loss has driven many poets and memoirists to the page. Surely my father and grandmother have been an inspiration for my own work even though they have already been gone, respectively, 20 and 45 years. I feel bad not to have had the chance to get to know them as an adult and often wonder about the accuracy of my memories of them. I suppose it really does not matter because when we share our experience through memoir, we are sharing only our own emotional truth and no one elses.

My new son-in-law, Daniel,  lost his father when he was barely nine years old. I often think about how this tragedy during childhood shaped so many aspects of his life. I admire how he was able to forge ahead and with the help of his mother, brother and close family grew into a wonderful young man.  I also realize that many well-accomplished figures, such as Martin Luther King Jr., John Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy and Thomas Steinbeck also lost a parent during their youth. I believe it has been healthy for them to continue to honor their deceased loved ones by talking about them and sharing their memories as a way to keep them alive.

Another way to preserve memories of  those who have passed away, is to write about them. Writing is also an effective way to heal childhood wounds.

Here are some possible writing topics regarding memories and family:

-         What do you miss most about your deceased relative?

-         What are you most proud of or embarrassed by about a family member?

-         Describe your relationship with a grandmother.

-         Describe your relationship with a grandfather.

For more prompts relating to memories, check out this link:

http://www.creative-writing-now.com/journal-writing-prompts.html

Diana Raab is an award-winning memoirist, essayist, poet and author of eight books and editor of two essays collections, including the latest, Writers and Their Notebooks (2010) with an introduction by Phillip Lopate. She’s authored over 300 articles and poems which have appeared in national publications. She is a journaling advocate and teaches in UCLA Extension Writers' Program and in various conferences around the country. Her memoir/self-help book Healing With Words: A Writer's Cancer Journey was just released by Loving Healing Press in June 2010.  Visit Diana Raab at http://www.dianaraab.com.