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This interview is with Susan Kaye Behm, author of The Journey, and conducted by the Ephesians Christian Ministries.
Brena: You yourself are a survivor. This book and the one that preceded it, Civilized Savages, are based on your life experiences. This is an incredibly personal story. Why did you write it?
Susan: I wrote it because this kind of abuse is going on right now – right in our own back yard and must be stopped. Victims often don’t have a voice. I want to be a voice for those who cannot yet speak.
Brena: Why did you write it as a novel?
Susan: I had tried to get my first book published as non-fiction, but people didn’t want to believe it was true. So I tried publishing it as fiction and was successful. This book is a sequel, so I kept it fictionalized. Also, I found that it was easier on me to write it as fiction. Writing the details about what happened was very difficult. When it got too intense, I could distance myself by focusing on the character in the story. But about 95% of both books is factual.
Brena: I saw Civilized Savages listed on Amazon.com on someone’s list of favorite science fiction. What do you say to the people who tell you that your story is not believable?
Susan: I have a notebook of articles from CNN and other sources on militia groups in this country and on ritual abuse. Some people are just not able to deal with reality and so they deny it. Even the victims of sexual and ritual abuse themselves have a hard time coming to terms with what happened to them. When memories surface, there can be a lot of denial. So I can’t really blame people who have trouble believing it, but as long as people continue to deny the reality of abuse, they refuse to let those of us who have survived heal.
Brena: Did you remember all along what had happened to you, or were your memories repressed?
Susan: Some of each. I remembered a lot of the militia experience all along. Much of the sexual abuse was repressed. I started having severe panic attacks in my early thirties and didn’t know what was wrong with me. And then the memories started to surface.
Brena: And now?
Susan: I still have nightmares almost every night, and never know when a flashback might be triggered. I continue to have new memories occasionally surface, sometimes preceded by a few days of a migraine. These are usually very frightening and difficult to deal with.
Brena: How have you found your way through this? What has helped you get to where you are today?
Susan: I have had two caring therapists who were willing to learn along with me. The most important thing was that they believed me and that has helped so much. One of the greatest fears abuse survivors have is that they will not be believed. Although there are therapists experienced with childhood sexual abuse, most therapists are not prepared to treat the kind of ritual abuse that I experienced at the hands of the militia. I did my own research, and my therapists and I learned together how they could best help me. I also have loving and supportive friends. I have taught them how to help me stay grounded in reality if a flashback comes. And of course I have my faith.
Brena: Do you have trouble believing in a loving and caring God when He allowed so much to happen to you?
Susan: There have certainly been times when it was hard. But a Christian friend encouraged me to make a list of all of the times that God has protected me during those years in the militia and then during the physical and sexual abuse of my teen years. I was surprised to come up with a two-page list. I would not be alive today if it weren’t for His love and grace. I am the only survivor of the 52 children who were in the compound with me and it often makes me wonder why me? Then I wonder if its because God wants me to be that voice to let people know what happened then and is still happening.
Brena: What do you most want readers to take away from your book?
Susan: For victims of abuse, I hope that they will find the courage to start or continue healing. I want them to know that there is hope and a light at the end of the never-ending nightmare that they live in and that they are not alone. For others, I hope that they will get an understanding of what I have been through - to walk a mile in my shoes – so that they can then be in a better position to help and support someone else who has suffered childhood abuse. Sometimes, when we are hurting we just need a friend.
Brena: In Ephesians, you have found some new friends, Susan, and we in you. Thank you for what you are doing to give voice to victims of childhood abuse – and for your generosity to our ministry.
To learn more, visit the author’s website.
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