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Monday
May202013

Reader Views Update – Welcome Jennifer Full-Time!

Post by Susan Violante

The process of taking Reader Views and its affiliates to the next chapter has been very interesting, to say the least. Although I had been working next to Irene for a few years, I only had a general vision of the business as most of the details were handled directly by her. Needless to say, how overwhelming and nerve-wracking I felt at the beginning as I second guessed all of my ideas and actions.  Slowly but surely, I kept moving forward motivated by Irene’s memory and my own goals, and here we are almost mid-2013 and still going!

It took a while to figure out where the pieces of the puzzle fit. One piece at a time things started working out, and key people began to emerge. I had announced Jennifer as the Director of Social Media and Posting, and Juliana as the Director of Contests. I am now happy to welcome Jennifer permanently as she joined us in our journey going from part-time to full time!

Jennifer has been part of our team as long as myself, and having her expertise, dedication, and fun personality aboard full-time is exactly what Book By Book Publicity needs to push Reader Views and our affiliates to the next level.  Here are some of the new things having her full-time made possible:

  • Reader Views and RebeccasReads Social Network Revival! We are now 24/7 on Facebook and Twitter interacting with all of you wonderful authors & readers! So come to our page, “Like us” and be interactive. Things do happen when we all get together! Don’t be surprised if you all of a sudden find one of the copies you sent us being recycled as a Book Give-Away to put your name out there!
  • We are establishing a relationship with our community airwaves radio to pitch our authors for interviews by invitation only as we pitch according to what the programming needs are. This means if we have you on our data base you could get an invitation. It is happening! The first interview has been booked for this summer!
  • Blogger Reviews are up and running and we are now going further with this as we plan full blown Blog Tours!
  • The Literary Contests have gone Digital, and with Juliana’s help soon we’ll be able to fill our participants with perks through Social Media Campaigning, and Book Giveaways.

This is just the beginning.  Many new ideas are flowing in our office, so keep reading the newsletter as we develop them into affordable publicity for your books! We will be here, as always, dedicating our time to find new ways to get your books out there while fitting in your budget…with PR perks for being our favorite Authors. I hope you all help me to welcome Jennifer as a full-time member of our family…Finally!

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Sunday
May192013

Bullycide: Is It A Fad Or A Growing Epidemic?

 Guest Post By Normandy D. Piccolo

I will be but a memory is what I’ve been told

My locker will be emptied, my clothes will be sold

No one will miss me, or so they type

Sure my death will be news, until the next hype

Stupid, dumb, ugly, fat, slut, lame

You should die they said, imagine the fame

Newspapers, Television, Facebook, Twitter

Problem is, my parents said they didn’t raise no quitter

Miss me, don’t miss me, suppose that’s your choice

Will your heart even break, will your eyes become moist?

Do it…..Don’t do it…Not sure which will win

Die before it’s time….Heard that’s a big sin

Stupid, dumb, ugly, fat, slut, lame

How I wish I could start over

How I hate this hurtful game...

 

Alone in a bedroom closet, a young body sways silently side to side, the question, “Why didn’t anybody ever like me?”, looping over and over inside their head until that final breath escapes their body. Alone in life. Now alone in death. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

There is no question that Bullying has become a hot topic in the news, on the television and even in the movie theater. But there is another side to bullying. A side so critical, it leaves in its wake devastated, heartbroken parents who struggle for years trying to understand, “Why?” Siblings carry false guilt for not being a better sister or brother. And friends wonder how they could have missed the signs. It’s called Bullycide: suicide because of bullying. 

For months, children who committed Bullycide grabbed headlines. Many tears were shed and cries of outrage echoed off of posted comments on websites, as more and more people became aware of the painful fallout from severe bullying. Then one day the headlines abruptly stopped. Various media outlets cited concern over creating a “Fad” by appearing to glorify the Bullycide victims. 

“...you should die they said, imagine the fame.” 

Even without the attention grabbing headlines, suicide because of bullying continues. So I have to ask, “Is Bullycide really a fad as feared or has it become a tragic reality that can no longer be ignored?” The time has come to take a hard look at this unpleasant topic and deal with it once and for all.  

Each year more than 160,000 students are absent from school due to bullying. Harsh words, hard slaps, cyber-bullying, social bullying, slut shaming,..the list of mental, physical and emotional abuse goes on.  Some kids opt to fight back physically, while others tell an adult they are being bullied. Some are removed from the troubling school and are either placed in a new school or get home schooled. 

Then there are those who are bullied to the point of choosing to end their lives in order to stop the pain felt deep down inside. 

Those who commit Bullycide most often do so by hanging. From a medical standpoint what they are actually doing is most likely strangulation, a very painful, long-suffering way to die. The cold hard fact is that the victim not only felt severe pain in life, but he or she endured equal pain in the throws of death as well. Alone.

Bullycide is becoming a fast growing epidemic. Not a hip, trendy, cool new thing to do. It’s not a fad, but instead, a tragic solution kids are seeking out as a means to end pain brought about by severe bullying. Bullied victims don’t know or realize that suicide is never the answer to ending their pain. Ever. Suicide is hurtful, ugly, nasty, and a selfish act. Yes, selfish. I’m not guilting, I’m stating the truth.

Law Enforcement and School Officials are struggling to find answers to the bullying problem. So far their efforts appear to have fallen short because Bullycide is on the rise, not the decline. Parents are frustrated more now than before, unsure of what to do, while their children live in constant fear and torment with no answer to this ever-growing problem looming on the horizon. 

Many good-hearted organizations are working hard to bring bullying to an end, but they are selling an unrealistic hope. Let’s face facts - Bullying will never end, but eventually it will be contained with the help of new laws, better education and more awareness. In all realms of the world, whether human, insect or animal, there is always some form of bullying. It’s to what degree the bullying is exerted which begs concern. And with technology today and non-communicating families, the exertion of bullying upon a victim has gotten out of control. A bullied victim cannot get away from the abuse, even if they move across the Country.

Did you know that seven children committed Bullycide in the last 2 weeks? That is seven children too many. Seven shattered families. Seven lives that could have been...if only more awareness about Bullycide had been available. The average age of children committing Bullycide was slated at 13 - 16 years old, but those numbers are changing on both ends. The youngest reported death by Bullycide to date is a five year old boy in England. Five years old. How is that even possible?

There are several new books available on Bullycide, along with many organizations dedicated to bringing about awareness to this specific problem. Until we as a society become better educated about bullying, about suicide, and acknowledge that the two are starting to march hand in hand, more children will kill themselves and more families will grieve a loss that didn’t have to be. 

Instead of focusing on those who are no longer with us, attention needs to be placed upon the issue of Bullycide itself in the hopes of helping those teetering on the brink of making that life or death decision to choose life as the answer and not death.

While many parents prepare to attend their children’s graduation, other parents will mourn the loss of their children who were literally bullied to death during this school year. Instead of, “Congratulations” it will be “I’m so sorry for your loss.” 

A bullied victim once asked, “How Should I End It And If I Did, Would You Care?”

Do we as a society care enough to start dealing with this unpleasant topic or will we continue to ignore Bullycide hoping it will eventually just fade away? 

 

Normandy D. Piccolo is the author of Bullycide: To Whom It Concerns, a collection of written entries and drawings expressing the painful fall out that comes from being bullied. If you want to know how it feels to be bullied to the point of considering committing Bullycide...this book is Painfully Raw - Real - Honest. Ms. Piccolo has appeared on TV, in magazine articles and has done a radio interview about Bullycide. She has also written ads for well-known Country Music Stars like Charlie Daniels and penned scripts for the cartoon Auto-B-Good. More information about Ms. Piccolo is available at www.bullycidethebook.com , on her blog at http://bullycidetowhomitconcerns.blogspot.com  and her Facebook page, www.facebook.com/bullycidetowhomitconcerns  She currently lives in Tampa, Florida.

Saturday
May182013

Shatter the Shame of Addiction

Guest Post By Lisa Frederiksen

I saw it again last night as I faced an audience of drug addicts and alcoholics in treatment and their family members, all of whom were present to hear my lecture.

I saw the crushing emotional pain that surrounds this family disease on their faces, in their body language, in the way they did or did not look me in the eye or venture a tentative smile.

 

Together we can shatter the shame of addiction.

For the addicts | alcoholics, it crossed the spectrum: shame, defeat, anger, embarrassment, defiance, sadness, regret, fear. Shame. For the family members, it crossed the spectrum: shame, defeat, anger, embarrassment, defiance, sadness, regret, fear. Shame.

Some were numb, some still detoxing, some only there because it’s what they were supposed to do. For some, there was hope. For others, it was a last ditch effort. For some, it just was.

Later that evening, after the program, one young girl sobbed the pain of having her alcoholic father scream at her that very afternoon, yelling at her to, “Shut the @#!* up!” when she tried to explain why the person giving her a ride to visit him could only stay two days and not the three he demanded. He’d ended the call telling her not to come at all, that he was done.

Between sobs, the young girl pleaded, “How does a father do this? How can a father threaten to cut his daughter out of his life for something over which she has no control? And I know he’ll do it, and I don’t want that. God, I hate this @#!*ing shit – he’s been doing this my whole life! How does a father do this!?!?!”

It was that young girl, especially, who tore my heart open. They all do to some degree. But sometimes there’s one that really hits me harder than others, for one reason or another. After decades of my own experiences with alcoholic family members and friends, a decade of my own secondhand drinking recovery work and years of trying to help others on both sides of this family disease, I think it was her raw, gut-wrenching, core-stripping pain that left me crushed by my powerlessness to help her in that moment.  It took me back to my own moments of that kind of pain.

So I wrapped her in my arms. She let me and then wrapped me back. And I held her tight, while she sobbed through her rage and her pain. But I had no words. There are no words at times like that because there are no words that can possibly touch the pain and make sense of the nightmare.

But when I got home, I wrote this post in the hopes that she will read it someday, when her pain is less raw, on a day when she will be able to let these words into her heart – actually into her brain – because it’s in her thoughts that words such as these must sink in order for her to ease her pain.

 

Six Suggestions to Shatter the Shame of Addiction

1. Know it is not your Dad – the real person he was before his disease corrupted the very neural networks and neural network opportunities he needs to show you, his daughter, the love, respect, understanding, pride and joy you so rightly deserve. He has a brain disease – one that is difficult to understand without understanding the disease.

For this, consider these two websites:

The Addiction Project,” created by NIAAA, NIDA, the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation and HBO

Drugs, Brains and Behaviors: The Science of Addiction,” created by NIDA.

2.  Know it is not You – his daughter – you are the anyone or anything that interacts with his diseased brain that is now missing most of its normal functionality. It is not You – his daughter. The decades of chemical and structural changes that have occurred as a result of his disease make it so he cannot, nor will he ever, be the Dad you want him to be as long as he drinks any amount of alcohol and does not treat his disease. You are sadly the unwitting partner in The Dance of the Family Disease of Addiction.

“The Dance” — Addiction is a Family Disease

3.  Know neither you nor your Dad is alone. Your dad is one of the 23.2 million Americans struggling with addiction – of which only 10% seek treatment. You are one of the one in four children who live with a family member’s alcohol abuse or alcoholism. Yet this disease is so shrouded in secrecy and shame, we often feel alone and struggle to sort and live through the host of conflicting emotions that comes with this Family Disease.

            Behind Every Alcoholic or Drug Addict is a Family Member or Two or Three…

4.  Understand that all you can do to help your Dad is to help yourself. Believe it or not, this will break the cycle because your exchanges are a cycle – they are “The Dance.”  More importantly, it will help you live a sane and joyful life in spite of your Dad’s untreated brain disease.  This help can be through therapy work with a counselor trained in addiction, a 12-step program for family members, mindfulness practices, and believe it or not, nutrition, exercise and sleep. On this route, you will meet people who know the road you’ve traveled and are trained and/or have the personal experiences and recovery that can support you in your journey. Above all know – you are powerless over his brain on alcohol.

 Powerless Over Alcohol

To begin this journey, I encourage you to learn more about the disease of addiction from the resources listed in #1.

5.  And when you can – when you are able – Forgive. Forgive him because he knows what he’s doing and hates himself for not being able to control his drinking, for not remembering but knowing something bad must have happened, for not having any friends, no job and only estranged family ties. He hates himself because he cannot, for whatever reason, take the necessary steps to start treating his disease – likely because of the secrecy and shame that still surrounds it.

Recovering in Anonymity – Does it Continue the Secrecy and Shame

Forgive him to set yourself free, and know, that forgiveness does not mean erasing the pain or accepting the behavior. It means letting go of the hope of a different past and a different outcome. Your Dad has a brain disease – a disease that robs him of his capability to think, feel, say and do the things a father does when that father does not have this disease. Forgive.

6. Know there is always hope. This brain disease can be successfully treated and people can live happier lives in recovery.  To learn more about people who are doing this, today, check out:

Faces and Voices of Recovery

The Anonymous People

Faces of Recovery

 

And Lastly…

…know that I’m here and will do what I can to help you find resources and information. My confidential email is lisaf@BreakingTheCycles.com and my confidential voice mail is 650-362-3026. There is no charge.

And to anyone else reading this post, who find themselves in a similar situation, I extend the same offer to you.

Together we can Shatter the Shame of Addiction!

            

Friday
May172013

Anger

Guest Post by Dick Warn

Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790, American scientist and publisher) said, “Whatever begins in anger ends in shame.”

And Buddha (568-488 BC, founder of Buddhism) said, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; when you are the only one getting burned.”

Buddha also said, “You will not be punished for your anger. You will be punished by your anger.”

When hit with something I dislike, my finest possible response is absolute silence. And, in that silence, I mentally step back from what just happened and ask myself, “What difference will this make in 25 years?”

It is amazing how well this works - - when I remember it.

Dick Warn is the author of The Miracle Minute, a weekly email sent free to readers around the world. www.TheMiracleMinute.com His latest book, Mystical Mentor can be previewed at www.MysticalMentor.com